Monday, July 24, 2006

A Guest Post

I have not written today's post. Instead, I asked someone to share her experiences with her religion, given that my own writings tend to be slanted against Mormonism slightly and give only one perspective. She comes from a Pentecostal background, which seems to be just as Fundamentalist as the Mormon outlook, although they differ lightyears from each other in theology. Brittany Sue is a bit shy about her writing, so go easy on her if you leave comments.
-Melanie, aka The Sinister Porpoise

by Brittany Sue

I sat on the pew and squirmed as the well-meaning Pentecostal Preacher drove home the clothesline doctrine. My fear of God made me want to jump up and run out as I listened to the sermon on effeminate men.

I thought back to the days of my youth. Memories of being picked on and friendless for being "girlish" came to mind along with those of long evenings alone reading my Bible.

Jesus was my Lord and my hero. I longed for the wisdom of Solomon and the strength of Samson. Inside I felt like Esther and wondered what it would be like to be a damsel in a king's harem to please him alone.

It was my mother that taught me to cook and clean house. Later she taught me to sew. She was my friend and role model. In later years when depression and suicidal thoughts came she was my drinking buddy. It was Jesus that brought her words to mind in those days. It was she that told me that if I always trusted the Lord he would see me through unto the end.

I sat through many sermons like that. The words that were preached spoke out about the very things that I had no control over. They stayed long after the service was over. What should have been beautiful, glorious and comforting brought pain and guilt instead.

The guilt of knowing that I would have loved to be able to wear the beautiful long dresses and shake the tambourines was comforted only by the inner peace of as I beheld my Lord in the Laws and prophets.

The men of the church meant no harm with their male-dominant talk. It tore at me and I tried to fit in but as with sports and the military, I just couldn't be like them.

They wanted to keep their wives in subjection and backed the doctrine that kept their wives in long hair and long dresses. The things I longed for.

They strove to "be the man" and the "head of their house." I fought to hide my feminine mannerisms and not betray my inner feelings.

In time the Lord would take me through many scriptures to comfort me as the churches rejected me. As he comforted me he took me beyond the limitations of their doctrines.

My longing to be a bride was revealed as a longing to wear the white gown of his righteousness and to be veiled from head to foot with the covering of his spirit.

My longing to be as Esther in the harem, or house of women was revealed to be my desire to dwell in the kingdom of God forever.

Step by step he comforted me and just as the word of God is line upon line I saw how he was with me all along.

Just as Paul prayed about a thorn in his flesh and received no healing so did I.

I am one of many stars that differ in glory for is will. I can go and share my Lord where many straight people can't.

I am as the filth of the world and as the off scouring of all things. I am saved.


At Sun Jul 30, 07:56:00 AM 2006 , Blogger kaiwik said...

Brittany Sue, your post touches me deeply. I have nothing profound to share, other than I also have had the Pentecostal experience, have been touched spiritually, but also recognized the sexism and fit-in-at-all-costs mentality, and could just not continue within that close minded setting.

Scripture says He will come for His Bride. If those are the true feelings in your heart, I just cannot believe that He would see that in any light other than your honesty, and be honored.

I believe that His boundaries are endlessly more flexible than what He's given credit for, and being true to yourself should be as basic as a nautilus and a songbird, being alien to one another, yet each is utterly true to it's own identity.


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