Monday, July 17, 2006

Weird Aspects of Mormonism

In some ways I realize I was lucky to be born into the church. No, I'm not stating that I somehow was more valiant in some pre-mortal existence and was lucky enough to be born into a Mormon family. Of course, the implication there would be that my parents who conversed were somehow less righteous than I was. That may or may not be true, as I realize over the years I do have my own moral failings, which have nothing to do with the things I focus on on this site.

It's okay, I've learned not to be perfect over the years, but many who read this are wondering why I'd consider myself lucky to be born into the Church. I have a great love for weird things, so much so that I can spend on hours on sites like David Ickes where he claims that there's a reptilian conspiracy and the Mormon leadership is in on it, but studying church history has let me know there's enough weirdness within the church itself without having to make up wild conspiracy theories. I mean how many religions can tell you the planet God lives on?

Of course a lot of the weirdness has been shied away from and if not actively denied, it is no longer taught like the Adam-God doctrine and some things while I'm not entirely sure are true, I'm convinced if they were said they were said because the church leaders knew the people who followed them would believe anything they said. In this category are the infamous quaker men on the moon. I'm sorry but I really don't think Brigham Young believed that and the scientists of his day probably did know that the moon was lifeless. Blood Atonement isn't necessarily weird, but for obvious reasons, I'm glad it was discarded as a doctrine of the church.

Not to mention the bizarre ideas like God impregnating Mary which I must admit I was never taught and the church seems to have shifted now more to the idea of the immaculate conception although I've had several people theorize that it was artificial insemination. Add to that other ideas about supernatural sex including the assumption that spirits are produced through the same act through which people are produced. (No wonder the church is so bent on opposing any issues that don't lead to more spirits in the celestial kingdom. But with all the gods there creating premortal spirits with their multiple wives, don't you think it's getting a little crowded?) Too bad the church is strangely silent on how long the gestation period for spirits is and whether or not women will have periods in heaven. I do recall being told that if we made it into the celestial kingdom to check our pants because that part of the body would still work. (You may find this blasphemous, but remember, according to Mormon doctrine, I'm already going to the Telestial Kingdom.)

And what discussion of Mormon weirdness would be complete without a discussion of garments. (My sister tie-dyed a pair of my father's once, I can only imagine the rant that ensued.) I mean yes, people wear things like crosses or holy symbols all the time believing that they'll give protection, but isn't underwear a little bulky? I realize one of this is to ensure modest standards of dress, but the garments make me glad I never went to a temple. I like wearing shorts.

Of course as much as I love weirdness, it doesn't change the fact that I probably wouldn't smoke or drink even outside of the church because my parents didn't, but of course, the fact that I don't know and have pretty much curbed swearing will probably mean to a Mormon that I really still accept the gospel deep down and should return back into the fold.


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