Monday, August 21, 2006

Mondays that don't start at 2 a.m. rock

I've figured out the problem with Qumana, and unfortunately there's very little I can do about it. My Google account is not the same as the name I signed up for Blogger under. I hope Qunama and Blogger can get this worked out, otherwise I might have to break down and pirate -- oops, I mean buy -- a copy of Word to use.


I've finally got a Monday off. It is in fact the first Monday I've had off since March, and for that matter, the first Monday I haven't had to be up at 2 a.m. since mid-May. Now, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with my Monday, perhaps a trip to the library is in order as I've finished the stack of four books I've recently borrowed. (or was it 5?) Well, I could borrow DVD's too, but with the usual luck in my life, after finding a nice, new and actually good DVD player at Dollar General, the tube on my TV set blew.


Although I don't intend to make a habit of replying to other people on my blog, there was a comment made on Letters from a Broad recently that probably does deserve a full blown blog entry here, rather than take up comment space when she was showcasing another author. (And of course, the other irony, is I may in fact need to pick up a book on Java/Javascript in the near future as my HTML textbook from college which had a large section on Javascript is now missing..)


Now that I've made it clear I'm not addressing C.L. Hansen, but rather a stage I've personally been at in my journey out of the church. As we all know, the church makes its best attempt to sexually repress its members. I've said before it's left me terrified of aspects of myself. Perhaps it would be best if I said what the comment was, and it's one I made a while ago on this blog and now regret. I did in fact say that I was transgendered and not gay. That statement was made a while ago when I started to break down the walls of years of church, then self-imposed sexual repression.


That's been changing over the last few months. In fact, I'm stating to think that celibacy may in fact be causing me to miss out on something. I'm still socially inept, so I'm not sure how to proceed, but I think hurrying is a bad idea as it's only something that has recently awakened within me.


If I may get back to the comment, at the time I wrote that I felt the need to deny being gay. I still internally felt it was wrong for me to be that way. Now as I've come to embrace and accept even more of who I am, I realize it's a possibility. I even managed to bring up some of the issues with my new therapist, although I am not and probably never will be comfortable about talking orally (no pun intended) about anything involving sex. Fortunately, you can't see the pauses I make me in my writing as I do a blog entry like this one.


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5 Comments:

At Wed Aug 23, 10:09:00 AM 2006 , Blogger Jon Husband said...

I've figured out the problem with Qumana, and unfortunately there's very little I can do about it. My Google account is not the same as the name I signed up for Blogger under. I hope Qunama and Blogger can get this worked out

It would be great if you could help us figure this out a bot more .... do you mean your Google Adsense account ? Or are you having a problem posting to Blogger with Qumana ? Not quite sure from your post what the issue is ...

 
At Wed Aug 23, 12:01:00 PM 2006 , Blogger The Sinister Porpoise said...

The issue has to do with Blogger beta. If you have a Google e-mail account or one for reader (my Adsense account has long since been suspended.) Blogger beta dmeands you log into blogger with your Google account.

Blogger simply returns an invalid passord if I try to update posts from Qunama with the Google id. It'll go through the motions with the original ID, but the posts don't appear on the blog.

 
At Wed Aug 23, 03:42:00 PM 2006 , Blogger C.L. Hanson said...

Well, I'm glad you're making progress on discovering yourself.

A funny thing happened to me the other day that made me think of you:

I had to get myself some new shoes, and since I'm fairly tall for a woman, it turns out that my shoe size falls just barely outside the range of common shoe sizes for women in France. So I went all over town looking for something that I like in my size.

The other thing is that I don't like really feminine shoes -- I prefer something very simple, straight-forward and unadorned. So at every shoe store, I would look at all the men's shoes and say "Oh, that is the exact shoe I would get if I were a guy."

So finally I thought "If I'm so fond of men's shoes and there are no women's shoes in my size, why not just get some men's shoes?"

So I picked up one I liked, and as I was starting to try it on, I had this momentary twinge of fear and looked around wondering "are people going to think I'm a transvestite?"

Then I immediately started laughing at myself, thinking "The Sinister Porpoise is going to laugh at me for this, after that one comment I made about this sort of thing!!!" lol

(But I found the men's shoes didn't fit right, so I eventually found some women's shoes that were okay, the end ;-) )

 
At Wed Aug 23, 10:44:00 PM 2006 , Blogger The Sinister Porpoise said...

I don't know how it is in France, but Women buying men's clothes isn't looked upon as a strange activity here. It's quite common. Shoes are one thing I'd have to consider, but in the summer months, I prefer simple sandals. I imagine I'll have a similar problem.

Now, if I could just get over that weirdly self-conscious thing about the scar on my left foot...

 
At Sat Aug 26, 07:16:00 AM 2006 , Blogger C.L. Hanson said...

I know there's much less stigma about women wearing men's clothes than vice-versa, which is why my initial self-conscious reaction kind of surprised me.

But somehow trying on men's shoes seemed more like a renunciation of all semblance of feminity than just wearing masculine-style clothing.

(Especially since at the time I was already wearing kind of a masculine outfit, plus short hair and no make-up...)

 

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