Good Ol' Cousin Floyd

Normally, I could care less who won the Tour De France. And normally, I'd be inclined to believe that the French really did temper with Floyd Landis's sample, simply because the French seem to have problems with Americans winning the Tour De France. (No offense, but if you accuse someone of cheating five times with no evidence, it would make it believable.) Now tensions between the United States and France have been a little high since the start of the war in Iraq, and most Americans view the French, as the Simpsons put it as “cheese-eating surrender monkeys.” (Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? A: Nobody knows, it's never been attempted.)

It's the sort of story I wish I could ignore, but unfortunately Floyd Landis and I share the same last name. If I even here my first or last name, it attracts my attention, so naturally, whether I've wanted to or not, I've followed this story. For the record, I watch one sporting event every four years, and it's not the Olympics. It's the World Cup. Okay, so I watched Italian soccer matches while working at a local pizza shop, but that's because it was the only thing on RAI International that I could understand. (I did follow the Superbowl this year, but only because I had a bet involving a gallon of Thin Mint Cookie Ice Cream riding on it. I lost, but as the Pennsylvania team won, it wasn't much of a loss.)

Now, while I have my doubts about the validity of the accusation, they are superseded by my suspicion that Cousin Floyd (note: we are probably not actually related, and if we are, it's distant.) really did do the deed he was accused of. It's not like he'd be the first athlete to have done so. He just got caught.

If it turns out he isn't guilty after all, I'll feel the same feeling of pride I did when I heard that he won. After all, he carries the same name and comes from the same state I do. (Although not the same area.) If not, I'll happily point out that it's just a coincidence we have the same last name.