Say What You Really Feel at Work Day

In keeping with my own promises, the posts put up today are not to be taken seriously. Check in this afternoon for a State of the Porpoise report.

It's Wednesday. Humpday. The day when we realize the week isn't quite over and we've still got to slug through to more days if we're lucky enough to have an office job. If we're stuck in retail positions like I've been so many times in my life, it has even less meaning as we let people far dumber than we are treat us as if we're idiots.

So, I've got a great idea for all those who have to deal with morons day in and day out. I'm declaring every Wednesday from now on “Say What You Really Feel at Work” Day. Need to tell the boss he or she's been smoking crack? Go ahead! Really want to act like the video store guy from the movie Clerks? Why not. You know you want to. Since every Wednesday is “Say What You Really Feel at Work” day, you can't get in trouble for it.

Don't make any attempt to sugar coat it either. If your boss is lazy, arrogant, and stupid and couldn't buy a clue at Clues 'R Us, tell him so, in those words. I'll stick up for you. (Note: Any e-mails coming from anyone who takes this advice seriously will automatically be moved to my spam folder.)

Let's say you have an older customer who might be senile. If you're a Staples clerk and he asks you if these are the Post-It notes that stick, invite him to find the Post-It notes that don't stick. Be sure to espouse theories on his possible ancestry and the possible onset of his senility as well.

Deliver pizza and have this problematic blue house that won't tip and has a lot of garbage on one porch? Make it absolutely clear that with the garbage and kerosene on their porch, and their house being made out of wood that all it would take to burn their house down is one match.

Feel free to let the repressive barriers of manners and common sense fall down today. Let all those frustrations come to the full front and release them at full fury. The Sinister Porpoise salutes you on this!