Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Rising up to the challenge of our rivals

When it comes to holidays I have no intention of celebrating right now, I have to say “National Coming Out Day” pretty much takes the cake. Not that I disagree with the sentiments, but deciding to admit to some of my deepest, darkest secrets on a dull, dark and soundless day during the October of the year is something I intend to do only if I'm ready to come out on that particular dull, dark, and soundless day during the October of the year.

I find myself thinking it may be part of that left-over guilt I have about being transgendered. It's not like I have totally come to grips with it yet and sometimes we are confronted with areas to show us where we still need to make progress in areas of our life. I'm not sure when I first noticed this. It was one thing to switch from the I'm always right mentality to the “I could be wrong and I'm not omniscient” attitude that comes with adulthood. I still tend to be somewhat of a know-it-all, but I think I've managed to cut back on the behavior. (At least I hope I have.)

I often find myself shocked when I encounter this. I don't know why I should be. I believe it was Richard Bach in Illusions who said every problem contains a gift inside. The more I think about it, the more this is true. We need challenges in life. Without being challenged, we'd never improve.

I'm not going to tell you that God and life never gives you more than you can handle. First, I don't believe it, and second God isn't always responsible for the problems you face. Too often, you are. (Believe me I'm in a great position to know about this right now.)

What are the challenges in your life? Some of my flaws are obvious. In fact they're what this blog is about. Struggling with depression and anxiety is not easy. The temptation to cease the struggle is often great. At times we want to give in and give up.

I cannot say I've always avoided that temptation, but on the whole, I find value in the struggle. I want to find peace in it, but without conflicts, pain, and challenges, our lives are utterly without meaning.


At Tue Oct 11, 04:27:00 PM 2005 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At Tue Oct 11, 04:27:00 PM 2005 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At Thu Nov 30, 04:33:00 AM 2006 , Blogger Samantha Shanti said...

Richard Back also said;

If you argue for your limitations, sure enough, they'll be yours.

Of something like that.

I know more of your pain than I would ever wish on anyone, but I don't miss its presence in my day to day life. My hope is your path will lead to you standing tall, proud and free next to me.


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