Thursday, October 13, 2005

I'll find a place and time I want to be and spend a storyline

I'm taking a break from my cleaning to write this. Not that I'm eager to take this cause back up, but I do know that it needs to be done. (The floors, despite my best efforts, are still a mess.)


We encounter many storms on the sea of life. At times I have to wonder what the particular captain of my soul may be thinking. (I'm told others wonder thisabout me much more often than I do. As many of my friends are gamers, they insist that I have the 25 point played by Melanie disadvantage, but they can't figure out where I put the points.) I find myself weathering a storm type I've weathered many times before.


I find myself wanting to cry more often of late. Falling into the trap of “what if” can be fascinating or can lead to great depression and anxiety.


If you suffer from any sort of anxiety, you know it is easy to blow things out of proportion. It does not, however, make those concerns any less real to you. Depression leads to the same sort of effect with a different downward spiral.


I've mentioned the cause before. I have not told any of my family about my transgendered feelings. Last night I worked myself up into a near panic. Good thing those anti-depressants and anti-anxiotics keep it from going into a near panic attack. I know I may be overreacting, but I still wonder what will happen when “Shawn” suddenly reveals that she wants to be addressed as “Melanie” from now on. Like many people with social anxiety disorder, I do not have an extensive social network. I maintain contracts with family as much as possible. (At least the family members who I can personally stand.) I worry about going through the rejection and ostracism I suffered as a youth.


I also worry about what my friends think, although my personal clique has included gay men and no one really cared. (My theory on this is because most gamers are men who are unlikely to be married and in some cases have no interest in sex.) One of the things I'm cursed with is a near photographic memory. I remember comments people make long after they've forgotten them. My sister, who I am closest to, has said derogatory comments about transsexualism and what would my father think if I suddenly told him that his second oldest son wants to be his second oldest daughter? Not only that, I'm not sure my friends would be accepting. Even though a part of me knows that such a revelation would not come as much of a shock.


You'd think it'd be easy to overcome what others think of us, but we are social creatures. I can accept myself as Melanie and find that I'm more confident and feel better about myself when I do. When I think of the consequences that not being Shawn could have, I start to worry and see my world crumbling down around me. It's not the first time it's happened to me, and perhaps, like the Phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes again this time.


The truth is that such things in the past have not turned so bad. No one cares that I'm no longer in the church, really. No one cares that I've had an occasional drink. (I'm sorry to those who do drink, but why would you want to do this that often? Most alcoholic beverages aren't that good.)


6 Comments:

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1. Stand up straight, sit up straight. When your body is in alignment your energy can flow and when your energy is flowing freely, you can flow.

2. Smile! Yes, just smile. Easy to do and effective.

3. Repeat positive affirmations. Things like "I feel good", "Positive energy flows through my body", "I see the good in all".

4. Listen to some music that you like. It doesn't have to be anything specific, just something you enjoy. Certain types of music work better than others, but experiment and see what works for you. Studies have shown that Classical music and new age music work best.

5. Take some time out for yourself, relax and read a book, do something for yourself.

6. Meditate. Meditation is an excellent habit to develop. It will serve you in all that you do. If you are one who has a hard time sitting still, then try some special meditation CDs that coax your brain into the meditative state. Just search for "Meditation music" on Google or Yahoo and explore.

Our outside work is simply a reflection of our inside world. Remember there is no reality just your perception of it. Use this truth to your advantage. Whenever you are sad, realize that it is all in your mind and you do have the power to change your perception.

These tips will lift you up when you are down, but don't just use them when you are sad or anxiety support group . Try and practice them everyday, make them a habit. You will be surprised at how these simple exercises will keep the rainy days away.

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Usually, pure essential oils cannot be applied directly to the skin and must be mixed in a base oil to reduce their strength. Base oils such as almond oil or wheatgerm oil are commonly used for this purpose. Base oils are generally derived from seeds, nuts or vegetables and allow you to create essential oil remedies that can be massaged into the skin.

So, what do you need to get started with essential oils and natural remedies?

Without a doubt, Lavender is one of the most useful and desirable oils. Not only does it work wonders on cuts, bruises and burns, it also aids sleep and helps with relaxation.

The Tea Tree and Eucalyptus oils are useful for treating a variety of respiratory ailments. These are excellent for the treatment of colds and coughs. They can be massaged into the chest or burned in an oil burner to help clear the airways and prevent congestion. Tea Tree oil is a natural antiseptic and can be dabbed on cuts, bites and stings. It is often used to treat spots and pimples and when diluted with water, acts as a mouth gargle (keep in-mind it should never be swallowed).

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For fragrant perfumes and establishing ambience in a room, buy some Patchouli and Ylang-ylang oils. Often combined in scented candles and air fresheners, a few drops of each in an oil burner creates a wonderfully perfumed home. Orange oil mixed with Cinnamon oil is a lovely winter alternative that evokes seasonal, holiday smells. Besides their perfume qualities, all four of these oils have other properties. Patchouli treats eczema and dandruff. Ylang-ylang is reputed to relieve stress, palpitations and high blood pressure. Orange is used in natural remedies for depression and nervous tension and Cinnamon is excellent for warts and viral infections.

The herbs, Thyme and Rosemary can be grown in pots and used when needed. To create essential oils from herbs, stew some large amounts in pure water, collect the steam and cool it. The oil will rise to the top of the drained water and can be collected with an eyedropper. Alternatively, a "flower still" can be purchased to make the job easier. Thyme and Rosemary are both antiseptics and can be used in skin care preparations. They are also delicious when used in cooking.

Lemon oil and fresh lemons will purify water and, when mixed with honey, are effective remedies for colds and flu. Lemon and white vinegar are highly efficient cleaning agents that can be used for domestic cleaning tasks without damaging the environment. Use white vinegar as a natural disinfectant or mix it with water to clean windows and wooden floors. It is also handy to keep a bottle of white vinegar in your car if you swim in the ocean. It will bring instant relief from jellyfish stings.

Citronella oil is perfect in summer to keep the insects at bay. Another natural repellent is Garlic. Fleas will not bite a dog that has been eating garlic, so a few garlic capsules in the dog food are a cheap solution to your pet's flea problem. A soft collar soaked in Citronella will also do the job.

Garlic also helps to promote a healthy immune system when the weather turns cold and viruses begin to circulate. In fact, most of the oils and herbs listed above are effective in helping to prevent many common winter illnesses.

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