Wednesday, September 13, 2006


I've been struggling with self-hatred for the longest time. I remember sitting down in groups where people would ask me what I thought was good about myself and dreading it. I would not give answers when asked, although this may have been out of modesty, or would it be because I didn't have a very good self-image?

If you know me, you know there are reasons I would feel this way and if you don't, you can go back through the archives where I give a good number of them. Being given the impression every day that your worthless regardless of the source and in my case there were a number of them does not help one build positive self-esteem.

I don't really know how to work on this. I don't believe telling myself things that are not true is a good way to work on it, nor do I believe human beings are an accurate judge of their own personal strengths and weaknesses. Yet the process for overcoming this seems to be sending messages to yourself. I don't know, it doesn't seem to me that a deluded self-image is a good way to build up how you personally feel about yourself.

Perhaps I should pay more attention to the positive things others have said about me as few and far between as those are. Chances are there might be something there. Maybe not. Still, it would be nice not to have to deal with self-hatred.


At Thu Sep 14, 11:59:00 PM 2006 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

**comforting hug**

I'm not offering any words of wisdom, since I fight my own self-critical demons and don't want to sound like a fucking hypocrite.

I'll leave it at a hug.

(and signing anonymously, since I'm not beta!)


At Fri Sep 15, 05:56:00 PM 2006 , Blogger The Sinister Porpoise said...

I'm still kicking myself for agreeing to go to Beta.

At Fri Sep 15, 09:11:00 PM 2006 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sinister, people who you don't even know are reading and being moved by your writing, which is something. My experience has been that self-loathing can be a creative force. Whatever you want to call it, the sum of who you are presents a very compelling human face ... and a meaningful read. Thank you.


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