Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Coming out of the Closet

I should address this issue although publicly as far as my real life is concerned, I'm still in the closet. I have not had the courage to admit to anyone I actually know how I feel. This is partly because I fear the rejection it might cause and partly because I don't think many people would understand. (How many of your male friends actually want to have their penis removed? Most of them cringe when you even mention anything remotely harmful to it.)
Funny thing is, I know my family and friends suspect something. Are my fears real or imagined? I used to think prejudice was a thing of the past, but observed the actions and reactions of people as I got older including my own. (Although the Hispanic family who kept causing parking problems for me is a valid exception.) If I weren't such a coward, they might now exactly and if not stop worrying about me, at least know what's going on.

I remember watching television when I was younger. 20/20 was running an article on Elton John. My father there said in a slightly angry tone, “I think you're a good singer, but I disagree with your lifestyle.” That made me wonder. How can anyone disagree with a lifestyle? An opinion yes, but not a lifestyle. I personally don't care who Elton John sleeps with. Why should anyone else unless you harbor some repressed desire for him yourself?
It was this that set me on the road to realizing that prejudice wasn't the province of a few, bigoted idiots. Everyone has prejudices. It's how well we overcome those that are unjustified that benefits society.

I hope I won't hide my feelings forever. I wish I could tell people about my deepest darkest secret easily right now. It might be devastating, but in other ways it would be liberating. Nor longer would I have to worry about someone discovering it and "outting" me, but I would be free to be who I am.

Is it a case of he who would sacrifice liberty for security deserves neither? (Sorry, Ben. We're both Pennsylvanians though and you were a liberal guy for your time, so I hope it's all right.) To use another cliché, the truth shall set you free. I've always wondered about that one personally, but I suppose like Schroedinger's Cat it'll make sense someday.

Is this what coming out is about for many people? Except for those Neo-Pagans with a persecution complex who validation out of it. I think so.

P.S. That whole Neo-Pagan thing was a joke in poor taste. Please don't spam me with hate mail.


At Thu Oct 06, 12:44:00 PM 2005 , Blogger Becca said...

Oh, there's lots of lifestyles I disagree with: criminal lifestyles, living beyond your means lifestyles, terrorist lifestyles, gangster lifestyles, drug addict lifestyles. I guess your dad was offended by Elton John because he thought his lifestyle was harmful, like those above. Which is very debatable. But I totally understand what you mean.


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