Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Responses to Orientation

I admit I have neglected this blog. That's one problem with being busy, but there was a comment that I felt I needed to respond to in a few months ago. The easiest process would be finding the post and responding to the comment there, but the person just found the blog.

The post in question had more to do with asexuality and how she thought she could understand it. The response by far is one of the most uncommon ones I have ever seen. Most people when they learn of asexuality respond with confusion, you just have not found the right person, or you must be gay responses. Yet, I have my doubts that the person really understood what I meant. Even worse, I'm not sure I knew exactly what I meant.

I would love to share a connection with someone on a deeply spiritual (for lack of a better term) level, but I do not expect to have the desire ever to jump into the sack with anyone. If I were still a Mormon, this would be problematic because marriage is a requirement to get into the celestial kingdom and entering into such a marriage would likely not be a pleasing thing to most partners.

The good thing is because the organization of asexuals is a relatively new phenomenon, there are no idiotic opinions from General Authorities on the topic. I am sure that if Boyd K. Packer had enough time he could issue an ignorant statement about how asexuals are broken or not a person. The Jesuits, who seemed to use the term asexual to mean a person without a gender identity, have already informed the world that a person who is asexual isn't a person.

But at least it's better to be assumed to be broken and mentally deficient because of a lack of attraction than it is to go through what gays and lesbians go through. If I start to make the transition, I imagine things will be much the same as they are for the latter two groups.

2 Comments:

At Sun Apr 25, 07:17:00 AM 2010 , Blogger Mark said...

You know, sexual instinct is basic and evolutionary in nature; frigidity is "artificial", in that, it is often brought about by external causes - lack of "love" and intimacy in a sexual relationship, etc. The reasons might be medical as well.

If, for example, you are "ashamed", consciously or otherwise, to suppress that guilt, you might suppress any desire that is directed towards sexual gratification. Or, if you are "ashamed" of your sexuality itself, as in by your inability to conform to the sexual role assigned by the society, or even if you think that by "becoming" something else, you are "letting down" somebody, you might turn yourself away from any interest in the sexual act.

I mean, think about it; "frigidity" in your case might be due to some "guilt" on a sub-conscious level. I'm no expert, but you yourself said that you would love to connect on a "spiritual" level to somebody. Now, if you truly "loved" somebody, with or without respect to what your orientation might be, why wouldn't you want to share the most powerful human experience with him / her ? All right, so you don't want to. Big deal. You'll be surprised how many married women will sleep with their husbands merely because it's what married people do; they might not be in the mood, one time or ever, but they do it anyway. Women will enjoy bad sex with people they love - that's how things work in the real world; feminists might shoot me, but this is for real. There are women in the world, who will never have an orgasm their lives. It all happens.

As far as loneliness is concerned, it seems to be self inflicted. I'm not criticising you; I'm like your mirror image, too - lonely and depressed. But, as you say that you would love to have a "spiritual" connection with somebody, well, miss, if you was really spiritual in a relationship, you would have done anything to make your beloved happy. People die for love honey, and you can't "jump in the sack"? Love is everything and nothing in this world. If you can't find love, you say that there is no such thing as love, or better yet, you say that you're simply not "attracted" to either of the options available. I won't say that you haven't met the right person; there is not "right" person. There is no "wrong" person either. It's merely subject preference. I have no friends at all; not because I'm shy - in fact I have a God Complex. And yet, I dislike being around people, being out of my house, being in class; I talk to people, but I try to get away as soon as possible. I am amazed by people's indifference to things. People are shallow, dumb, ignorant and throwing their lives away. This teacher I was in love with - I loved her more than any man has ever loved a woman on this earth - I kid you not - I tried to kill myself when I was convinced that we shall never meet again - today she's alone and miserable, of her own choice - I worshipped her, but I've grown cold and indifferent to her too - six years it took me - she's a moron now ( no offence ) and I'm still nowhere, rendered unfit for normal life. And therefore I'm lonely. Not by chance, but by choice; most probably I shall never meet anybody who'll take pity on me and marry me :) ( yeah I'm funny too ) but I'm looking out.

My point - don't let sexuality come between you and anybody you might happen to want to have a "spiritual" connection. If they wanna do ya, let 'em. If you're really the enlightened individual that you pretend to be, then you'll understand ( maybe not today ) that sexuality is a very important, but not the only part of a relationship. Don't stress on it too much.

 
At Sun Apr 25, 05:12:00 PM 2010 , Blogger The Sinister Porpoise said...

Or I could just be asexual. Romantic interests are common.

You, on the other hand, have just engaged in a huge fallacy by trying to find reasons for it. Some people just aren't interested in sex.

 

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