State of the Porpoise

Aha! Melanie finally let me out to wreak havoic on the world. She may even actually be funny next week, but I don't expect her to be. Her sense of humor is sad and she doesn't get it unless she's being sarcastic.

I, The Sinister Porpoise, have come once again to update you on my plans to take over the world. It's hard to make progress in two weeks to be honest, but the confusing spam I sent out actually drains peoples wills in a sublte way and I put subliminal messages in each subject line you read that not only makes you more amenable to aquatic mammals, but enables you to better understand them when we -- that is I -- finally take over.

Unbeknownst to all of you, I actually made sure Al Gore lost the 2000 election, but it really was a hard pick to determine which of the two was more easily malleable since both candidates did not show a great deal of intelligence. Fortunately, Dick Cheney was easily bought off and as long as you keep President Bush away from pretzels, there should be no hindrance to my overall plans caused by an inconvenient and unplanned "regime change" in the US.

mwuhahahahahahahaha!

(Note: I really doubt The Porpoise is telling the truth here, but his megalomania is so cute I think I'll give him a herring. -- Melanie.)