An Apology

After looking through the handwritten mess of writings that started this whole blog off I found something I called Pride and Prejudice. Now, Jane Austen I most certainly am not, and I'm probably wrong for attributing this work to her in the first place. Reading back through it, I decided I was wrong to have written it.

My attitude seems to come from my own self-loathing from a while ago and I was condemning people who would participate in gay pride celebrations. I have always been suspicious of people who would say that those who most vehemently condemn any sort of sex or gender behavior they consider abhorrent is a sign that those who condmen at themselves suffering from some deep insecurities. I just realized that in my case, it happened to be the truth.

We don't like to be confronted with truths that are unpleasant about us. Nor do we like it when we realize that we may have been wrong all along. I find it even less pleasant when I realize that I thought I had left most of the baggage from my past behind me, and now I realize there's a bunch of religious stuff left that kept me feeling guilty about who I was.

The original little essay was not written that long ago either. It's a good sign of progress I think, but I also know I could just be deluding myself, which it is all too easy for a human being to do. Personal growth and self-discovery often is a painful area of life, but should we avoid it? Not at all! Even though it's hard to admit you were wrong, it is often worth it.

I started this blog initially as a bunch of stories I never intended to share with others. Eventually they took on an essay format similar to what you read now. Long ago, a high school journalism teacher told me, “You can write well, but only about things that interest you.” This is an extremely bad quality in a journalist and one of the many reasons I think why I've never gotten my fiction published. I can't sustain interest in it long enough to write a good story. Whether my writing here is good or not, I'll leave up to you. Still, if I had not realized it, this would be far worse than it is. Admitting one truth in myself did result in a better end product for readers of this blog! It may have been an unpleasant truth, but someday I wille expose you to some of my fiction.

I'd like to apologize to any gays and lesbians I offended with this behavior. Fortunately, I don't think there are that many. I should not have been afraid in anyway to identify with you, even though our problems are seperate. I hope I remember not to subcionsciously upset such people in the future.