Monday, October 24, 2005

Getting over a strange sore throat bug, folks

I've been a little under the weather lately. There's some sort of weird sore throat bug going around that doesn't make you very sick, but just makes you ill and miserable for a couple of days. It seems I'm finally getting over it but I could have done without it.

The search for a new place to live could be going better, but I at least managed to get it out into the open with someone I met face to face today. I still don't know how things are going to turn out but at least I feel better about it. I also finally managed to let my therapist know about my feelings of gender confusion.

Well, for good or ill that particular secret is out to the one person who might be able to do something about it at all. I cannot say I'm not apprehensive, but I guess I'll find out where it goes from here.

If my thoughts seem somewhat more confused than usual, please forgive me. I'm not inspired to make an actual point just yet. I've had so much to worry about for the last few days that I've been putting off. I guess in some ways I just don't want to face it. I think somehow yet that if you ignore problems or avoid them they'll simply go away.

In many ways, I just it's just part of having an avoidant personality, but you'd think by now I'd learn it does not work. In so many ways my life has just been avoidance of problems rather than the also problematic but sometimes much more effective method of confronting them directly. I guess this is one of the things I need to change in my life. I think I've known I've needed to change it for a long time, I just refused to do anything about it.

I've been under a lot of stress of late and I think it's affected my life. Unlike when my mother went through her episodes a year ago, I have not been able to find the grim focus and determination I need to cope with something when I'm involved myself. A 'do what needs to be done' sort of thing would help with all the issues I'm facing, but why is it harder to do this when we find ourselves and not someone else in the middle of things?

Well, tomorrow I'll be back with something more coherent and impressive. I promise. Or at least I hope I'll be able to keep that promise.


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