Friday, October 28, 2005

Personal Angst. It's okay if you don't want to read

It seems I lost whatever article I wrote due to an overzealous cleaning of the “My documents” folder on my hard drive. Well, I can't recapture what I actually wrote since I removed it from my recycle bin so I'll have to suffer through this as best I can. (Truthfully, it wasn't that good anyway.) I could go and download some complicated undelete software, but I don't want to put that much effort into it. It'll take less time to write a new article.

Getting a huge stack of paperwork in the mail that I need to fill out has not improved my mood for writing anything remotely related to this blog. In fact, it frustrates me because it's not what I wanted to do in the first place. The doctor when I filled out forms to apply for medical assistance put me down as disabled. Now I have to apply for disability. I'm not overly thrilled about this. All I wanted was a little help to go back to work and get back on my feet but found myself frustrated by government rules. On top of that the housing situation is still not resolved and you can see I have many things to worry about that may take my mind off of contributing anything meaningful to this blog.

I know many of you probably don't care about the garbage going on in my personal life, but right now I don't quite feel the muse to write anything thoughtful or inspirational. About the only thing I can say that might be interpreted as remotely positive is I finally told my therapist how I felt regarding gender identity. I don't know what will come of this, despite the office having the pink circle and triangle hanging from the wall. Of course, this still does not quite explain my issues with depression and anxiety. I have said many times before that discussing such issues with actual people still terrifies me and I do not expect it to change anytime soon. Nor am I sure what to expect because the place is in fact run by Lutherans. (Despite the fact that I was referred to there by the county and see a psychiatrist to check on my medication once every three months or so.)

Right now, I'm just frustrated and ticked off and may really pop in some Three Doors Down or pop in Mechassault. (I keep the game because it's a great stress reliever.)


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