Friday, September 30, 2005

Burying our souls

We often have to hide ourselves as we get older to conform to society's expectations for us. It's worse for those of us who could admit at least to ourselves all along that something didn't sit right between our spirit and body. I hope, dear reader, you do not mind my use of the word spirit, because this web log will of course focus on something I consider as part of my spiritual journey. If it makes you feel better you may switch 'brain' with this word, but I feel that a biological organ doesn't quite cover the issues facing those of us dealing with transgender issues.

We do learn to hide our desires, true feelings, and hide them behind a mask going through childhood and High school, and later, if we're really unlucky as adults who get married and have children. It is the latter that is most harmful to everyone involved. This path which we did not choose leads to rejection for all of us, but the latter can end up harming innocent children. You should probably wait until they're old enough to achieve some sort of understanding if this is the case for you.

However, at some point, your life really is about you. We've been taught to deny ourselves and not bring out our inner nature for a long time. If you're reading this you probably already know the damage the uncertainty has caused, probably greater than I do as I'm still struggling with the issue. I'm not saying be selfish, but only you can decide the best way to live your life. If not confronting this will destroy you, then come out and accept the consequences. Like it or not, you are the most important person in your life. You've got the driver's seat no matter how much you may wish otherwise.

I wish I hadn't denied my feelings and knowledge for so long, but that would merely be crying over spilled milk. I must try to rediscover who I really am, and hopefully I'll learn other things along the way. We all must deal with what we have done. We've buried the soul that represents our true self and need to find a way to resurrect it.


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